the power of no

The fine balance between “yes” and “no”

I am by nature an overachiever. If a friend needs a hand, I am instantly there to help. If I can take an extra course, I do. If I get called to volunteer or sub a class for someone, I try my best to be there. Although living like this can get exhausting, I am happy to help others and to learn from new opportunities. I give my time when I can, and at times, when I can’t.

My mother is also a woman who gives more of herself and her time than she can afford to give. For example, while I was growing up my mother worked a full-time job, raised two daughters, went to night school, cooked, cleaned, carpooled students to and from school, studied real estate and volunteered as a tutor, interpreter and caregiver in our local community. I am sure many of us are ourselves like this, or know women who are similar to my mother. She is truly amazing, yes, but the down side to my mother’s willingness to lead such a busy life was that she often left things unfinished. My mother did not get her real estate license, and, although she pursued numerous business plans, she never saw one through to the end. Saying “yes” to too much made her too busy to gain clarity and focus on her true goals.

Learning from my mother, I have found myself wanting to say “no” more often. I’ve come to learn that saying “yes” may not always be the best solution. Saying “no” is a contributing factor to leading a healthy, productive and happy life.  If we constantly say “yes” we will go off to do a thousand unfinished things and never completely, and successfully, finish one. The key comes in the balancing of “yes” and “no.”

How to balance yes and no

First know that it is 100% okay to say “no.” This means you can say “no” and not feel sorry about it.

It’s not rude to say “no,” it’s necessary.

“No” is the other side of “yes.” It is at times the more thoughtful and genuine response to a question.

Next time you are asked to give of yourself, take a moment to consider your response.

Before reluctantly saying “yes,” or thoughtlessly saying “no,” take a moment to think about how your decision will affect your life, attitude and being. Are you saying “yes” to please someone and harm yourself? If so, reconsider, and kindly say “no.”

Say “yes” all the time and you’ll become stressed, over exhausted and unable to finish things that matter to you.

If you always say “no,” you will close yourself off and not feel the fulfillment of reaching out to others.

It is the fine balance of both “yes” and “no” that will help you find the best version of yourself. You need both in your life in order to find your happiness, in order to reach your goals.

love is love

Live on and be yourself.

At last, we are moving forward on a national level. On this historic day of victory for gay rights–human rights, the right each person has to love whom ever they care to love–I am full of joy and pride for the people who have fought so hard to see this progress.

One of my yoga students gifted me Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ last album, The Heist. I have since begun playing my favorite song on the album, Same Love, when I teach vinyasa. It is fitting for today and it is a constant reminder that yes, we have come a long way, but, we still have a long way to go. About a dozen states so far recognize same-sex marriage…we can not stop now, because love is love is love is love.

Silence, an act of love

I have been blogging for a few years now and, while I do love engaging with the internet community, there are times when I need to disconnect, to withdraw from the sharing, to engage in the present. If I have taken anything away from my yoga practice, it is this: the importance of being actively present and of silencing the mind to connect to the moment at hand. That being said, during this last stretch of leaving my blog for the past two months, I gave myself the necessary time to reflect on what I want to focus on.

So, what’s happening and what’s in store? I have been learning to write grants with a community outreach arts organization. I am also juggling a few writing and translation projects, and, after just completing my MFA, I am trying to take things slowly for this summer, giving myself time to breathe before starting a PhD program in the fall.

But, let’s go back to silence, to the actual sensation of not speaking, not making a sound, not being interrupted by thoughts of menial tasks. Imagine a silence that awakens the other senses. A silence that requires us to listen. It’s tough to imagine this kind of silence when we have our mobile devices constantly flashing with texts and updates. Yet, this silence seems to be a rather intricate part of our human experience. We are silent when we need to take something in completely. For example,  I’ve watched people close there eyes at concerts and poetry readings, to silence one of their senses and to better take in the music and words.

This weekend, while in a two hour yoga class that was dedicated to remembering the Boston Marathon, I experienced this kind of silence, a silence that enveloped me completely. The class centered around sending love to the victims and their families through a heart opening practice that ended in a meditation for peace. It was during this meditation that I felt a silence that filled me with love. This silence took me simultaneously inside and outside of myself. Meditation itself, seems to be an act of love. Considering monks who dedicate themselves to meditating alone in obscure caves, they too are dedicating themselves to love.

So, I’ll leave you with this today. Let yourself be silent, let yourself be love.

Gloria

Monday Music {yoga mix}

I teach a Happy Hour Yoga class on Fridays. The class is structured as a vinyasa  flow/yin/gentle and restorative class.  The class is designed, quite literally, to be an hour of happiness,a celebration of the self.  I thought I’d use this Monday Music post to share a playlist I made for Happy Hour Yoga:

Say something nice

Say something nice

Improv Everywhere’s effort to get people to take a moment to say something nice to complete strangers in the middle of Union Square.

So go ahead, and say something nice to someone.

learn to be happy with who you are

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welcoming fall

It is now officially Fall, my favorite season of the year.  I am looking forward to making pumpkin inspired recipes, wearing sweaters, drinking cider, taking longer walks and spending more time outside.

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We will be learning a fall equinox sequence today in yoga teacher training and in the evening I’ll be going to my first Kirtan. I’m really looking forward to a good time with my yogi pals. This weekend of yoga training has been a great way for me to begin the Fall.  How have you spent the first few days of this splendid season?

To get you in the mood for Fall:

This spiced hot apple cider looks absolutely delicious.  The presentation is what make this recipe unique. It would be great to serve at a dinner party or to cuddle up with after a long day.

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What you can’t unknow

I am currently in a 200 hour Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training.  Part of our recent discussion as a group of yogis has been diet. Being  educated on what we eat and how it got  from the ground and onto our plates seems to be a critical consideration when aiming to live a healthy and globally conscious life.

Being a vegetarian was a decision I made over ten years ago when I stopped to consider where my food was coming from. Without knowing it I was practicing a yogic philosophy: Ahimsa.

Ahimsa,usually translated as “nonviolence.” This refers not only to physical violence, but also to the violence of words or thoughts. What we think about ourselves or others can be as powerful as any physical attempt to harm. To practice ahimsa is to be constantly vigilant, to observe ourselves in interaction with others and to notice our thoughts and intentions. Try practicing ahimsa by observing your thoughts when a smoker sits next to you. Your thoughts may be just as damaging to you as his cigarette is to him.

It is often said that if one can perfect the practice of ahimsa, one need learn no other practice of yoga, for all the other practices are subsumed in it. Whatever practices we do after the yamas must include ahimsa as well. Practicing breathing or postures without ahimsa, for example, negates the benefits these practices offer. via

The more and more I’ve read about vegetarianism/veganism and how horrible food production is in the U.S., the more educated and the more fervent I become about my non-harming eating endeavor.The truth is, once you learn something, you can’t unlearn it. Think of elementary school health class–where I learned many a thing I wished to have unlearned imediatly. This has been my experience throughout life, negating the truth gets me nowhere. While ignorance is bliss, it is also just plain ignorant. So smile more, think positively,  lend a hand or a buck to someone in need.  Listen to a friend who simply needs a non-judgmental ear. Find a way to make yourself useful and practice nonviolence towards yourself and others. What type of ahimsa do you practice?

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